Guest Post: Five pieces of mental health advice for first years in the post lockdown / pandemic era

By Emma de Saram

For students starting university in 2020 they are not only faced with orientating a new city, making new friends and navigating a new style of teaching, but also adapting to COVID-anxiety and restrictions.

I’m perhaps (un)fortunate enough to have experienced Freshers twice at Exeter. After taking law in my first year as a naïve 18-year-old ready to complete my undergrad and take up a job in the city, my interests completely changed. I wanted to carry on studying the subject I loved, History. So, I was lucky enough to do first year all over again. The sarcastic undertone is deliberate; as much as freshers is fun and exciting, the second time round, the exhilaration passes. However, it has bequeathed me with knowledge I want to pass on.

Here’s my five pieces of advice for students who may be particularly anxious about starting at Exeter this year:

1. Don’t be afraid to be boring.

As many online events, zoom calls and kitchen parties you may be invited to this year, take a chill and enjoy being boring. It’s important to look into societies, find something you’re interested in, and develop friendships. After Fresher’s week, there will be fewer events so less ‘pressure’ to show up. But even within your ‘bubble’, there will still be invites to do whatever social activity is legal in this day and age. Remember to tune into your feelings. If you just want to go to bed at 9pm, read and watch Friends, fine. Do it. And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing otherwise. Spiritually, I’m a middle-aged woman who enjoys gardening manifested within a 20-year old's body. As much as it makes me feel different when I’m heading up to my room with green tea whilst my housemates are drinking gin, I am learning to embrace my differences. Embrace your boring moments so that the exciting ones are even better. Which leads me on to number two…

2. Don’t! Compare! Yourself!

For me this one is especially pertinent since I started uni a week after being discharged from eating disorder support. But the same goes for everyone starting uni, or just any human. You’re going to meet a bunch of students your age and it will be tempting to compare yourself to their achievements/gap year/ A Level grades/ work experience at the UN/dad’s job/eyebrows/abs, etc. So just don’t compare yourself to others, appreciate people and differences like they’re artwork and move on. We’re all abstract after all. The people you’ll want to befriend will accept you for who you are.

3. Resist the urge to fulfil your dopamine requirements with stuff from Wilko.

This is especially controversial for first years. I remember walking into my brick walled room and covering it up with a couple of posters I’d brought from home. So, following tradition of my forefathers/mothers, I went on the pilgrimage to Wilko and bought a couple of ‘things’ (fairy lights, pots, etc). Yes, it made me feel a lot better that my room felt a bit more homely. But throughout the year I found that going into town and browsing for stuff online gave me some kind of comfort, more so than it would at home. I’m not advocating a Puritanical exposed brick lifestyle, but instead of a top from River Island, perhaps a coffee with a friend would have given me that dopamine rush. Now in my third year in Exeter, I have divested my dopamine funds into independent coffee shops and second-hand books.

4. Learn to love your own company

I was never told how much alone time I would have at uni. After the buzz of the first few weeks, there’s a lot more time alone to study. For me, that meant time with my thoughts. I made the mistake of doing long slogs in the library and not taking enough breaks. Even in this post-pandemic/pandemic era, it’s vital to maintain social interaction between studying. Maybe arranging to FaceTime a friend at 11 to have a virtual coffee together, or just popping into the kitchen to see who’s around. Likewise, it’s also important to recognise and accept your own company. Maybe ‘love’ is too far but learning to accept your state of being when alone. And then there’s self-care; scheduling time for yourself every day to do something relaxing, even if you can only manage a 10-minute walk or stretch. I think we’ve all experienced enough time alone after lockdown, so it’s important to keep using the same techniques when heading back to university to reduce anxiety and loneliness.

5. Stay in contact with home – whoever, and wherever, ‘home’ is.

I’m fortunate enough to have left a loving home when I came to Exeter. This won’t be the case for everyone - the recently updated online registration for Exeter University ensures that care leavers and estranged students can apply for funding to help them get off to the best start* so check this out if it applies to you.

My mum always said I was way too hard on myself in first year – I didn’t see her until Christmas. I had to ‘stick it out’ for my first term not giving into the temptation of going home. On reflection, this was in part stemming from not wanting to risk a relapse in my eating disorder by being triggered from going home, since being at university had ‘improved my relationship with food’ (it hadn’t – but that’s another story). Anyway, I think it’s vital for first years to make sure they maintain contact with whoever home is – your parents, siblings, friends, carers. This doesn’t necessarily mean going home physically (which is probably not a good shout with coronavirus *sigh*) but just a phone call now and then; for their sake too. I thought I was ‘weak’ for being homesick. But that feeling of absence can be fulfilled, not with Ikea lights, but phone calls, Friends episodes and face masks (not that type); soon the absence will pass.

*shout out to Sunday Blake – your Exeter Students’ Guild president, for sorting this.

To any Exeter first years embarking on the most exciting time** of their lives right now, I send my best wishes. I cannot imagine the cocktail of emotions you are experiencing. As the President of ‘Cool Runnings’, a casual running & wellbeing society, we are holding virtual coffee mornings throughout the week which will be open to everyone – not just ‘runners’. There are also societies including ‘Mind Your Head’, ‘All Hands Together’ and ‘Nightline’ which are really inclusive groups where you’ll meet some great people. ‘Peer Support Exeter’ is a positive wellbeing support group, and for anyone who has in the past, or is struggling with eating, the ‘Eating Disorder Peer Support Group’ is another student-led group you would be most welcome in. For womxn, ‘Her Campus’ and ‘FemSoc’ are inclusive spaces for all womxn.

Remember to check in with your feelings. Exeter has professional University Wellbeing Services that can provide you with support – so never feel like you’re alone.

**it doesn’t have to be the best time of your life. You might have some of the best moments of your life, but time is infinite so also don’t feel like you’re wasting your best years when you’re busy being boring (no.1). Every day brings opportunities for the best moments.