Freshers' five: how to make friends at university

By Charlotte Brown

One of the most common fears first year students can have is about how to make friends - in a brand new city, usually without knowing anybody, it might feel like a big challenge to reach a point where you have a group of friends you’re comfortable with. If you have pre-existing struggles with maintaining your mental health, you may be worried that the stress of Freshers Week could worsen them. Feeling like this is completely normal! It’s difficult and nerve wracking to go through but so worth it for the experiences and friends you’ll make because of it. Our tips below are designed to help you make the most of this week and start your journey to making those new connections that can last a lifetime.

1. If you’re nervous, take it step by step

Not everyone is comfortable with diving straight in to flat parties and clubbing socials, and that’s ok! You will definitely not be alone in your preferences for wanting to take your time. Smiling at people at socials or your course introduction is a great way to show them you’re friendly and approachable if you don’t want to strike up a conversation just yet. Another way to ease yourself in is to set a goal of talking to the person sitting next to you on your course - going to lectures can feel a lot less scary if you’re friendly with at least one other student. It’s easy to overthink things, but just starting by introducing yourself or asking someone a question can quickly break the ice.

2. Do the Freshers icebreakers

Speaking of breaking the ice, try doing the Freshers icebreakers. If you’re living in student accommodation, the university provides a list of questions to ask flatmates. They’re weird questions, granted - a popular one is ‘if you were a biscuit, what biscuit would you be?’ - but that can actually be an advantage - having a laugh over how weird the answers are can help to skip the awkward introductions phase with flatmates and go straight to having a funny shared experience. Similarly, be open-minded with doing the icebreakers. Even if you don’t think someone would be good to be friends with initially, anyone could end up being a great person to know. The people you meet at university might be quite different from school friends but can still be just as amazing (and maybe that blossoming friendship started with explaining why you would be a custard cream).

3. Join societies

Societies are essentially ready made friend groups. You already know the members have similar interests to you and that they’ll be excited to have a new friend to share it with. It can be intimidating to go along to the taster sessions at first, but when you get to know the committee and other members, it gets so much easier and more enjoyable. Plus, the society committees want to make their society the best! They want you to be having a great time and to be talking happily with the other members, so if you’re struggling to connect with anyone you could let them know and they’ll do their best to make sure you don’t get left out.

Sports societies often emphasise teamwork so they can be a good place to start. Also, you could look for non-alcoholic societies if you’re concerned about university drinking culture. Other friendly societies in Exeter are: the Slow Food on Campus Society, the LGBT Society, the Meditation Society, societies for your course and many more depending on your interests. Getting involved with these online in Freshers groups and society social media pages can be less scary than turning up in person as well as being safe while social distancing. There’s so many fun options to choose from and ways to get involved, and we absolutely recommend you make the most of it!

4. Say yes to invitations, and have a backup plan if you want to leave

You’ll make great memories and meet people you might never have come across simply by taking people up on their invitations to socials, meeting other flats in your building and more.

It shows they want to make a connection with you! However, this can be scary to do if you’re feeling anxious, so we suggest you do some research about the event beforehand. If you know you have a way out if you’re feeling uncomfortable, or at least where the bathroom is in case you need a breather from the crowds, it’s much less pressure to go to gatherings. Try not to feel guilty if you do use your escape plan - everyone has different levels of tolerance towards social events and others would much rather you leave than stay in a situation that stresses you out. It’s already an achievement to go to a new event, so be proud of yourself!

5. Respect your limits

Putting yourself out there to meet new people doesn’t mean compromising your values and boundaries. It’s a hectic week - don’t worry about needing some space or a break. You can always return to the fray when you’re ready, and you have three or four years to meet people, not just the first week! Also, don’t feel compelled to stay with people if you realise they’re fundamentally different or incompatible with you. There’s no commitment right now! Don’t feel guilty about leaving or searching for other people you get along with better. Settling with friends you don’t enjoy being with to make sure you’re not alone at university can have a worse outcome than waiting for people you genuinely like.

6. Come to our group!

After Freshers Week, our group will be starting again! It’s run by trained student facilitators who specifically make sure it’s a welcoming environment for everyone. As a support group for students and their mental health, coming along is a good opportunity to bond with others who are also seeking mental health support. We aim to help you build a solid support network to make the transition to university life be as smooth as possible. Learn more about us by following us on Facebook and Instagram or by looking at our website.

Freshers Week goes by so fast, and we hope these tips help you enjoy it!